When Sadness Arrives

I am just sad. I can explain in so many words, but not really. The one person I would like to understand, can't, or at least doesn't want to try. It is so hard to be a caring person and be with someone who is the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to emotions. It isn't that he doesn't care, he just shows it in different ways that I don't always understand. I have given myself to him, but I feel I am constantly attacked for the way I am. I am asked to change, when he refuses to change himself. I don't want him to change who he is as a person, but some of his actions. You can change WHAT you do versus WHO you are. That doesn't seem to be grasped by him. And at this point, I do not know what to do.

We apparently cannot have in person discussions because he avoids them. Everything we discuss, which has become less and less over the past few weeks, is via text message. There is no tone there. There is no feeling. And I think that is the way he likes it. No emotion in the voice. No body language that can be felt. What can I do?

I am at my wit's end. I can't get through to him. He is unwilling to talk things out. And I am about to burst. I cried myself to sleep once again and have no outlet other than this damn thing, which I have seemed to bring back to life out of the frustration of my relationship.



If I can't talk to him about things, it is futile. The past 4 months has just been a waste for us both. I don't want to walk away: I love him. I don't take that lightly. When I care that deeply for someone, I can't just throw in the proverbial towel and walk away. It is rare that I can feel that way about someone. I've been so torn down over the past few years that my heart is closed off. This is the first time I've allowed it to open in a very long time. I am comfortable with him. He can be amazing. I can see a future with him. But we are just at this impasse that doesn't seem to work its way open. And I am the only one who seems to care to make that happen. I don't think he thinks anything is wrong. Yes, because it all works to his advantage. He sees me when he wants, he talks to me when he wants, he takes me out when he wants, etc, etc. You get the picture. Is is a control issue? I have no idea. I think he totally transfers his past relationships on me. He feels if I address anything, I am attacking him. Anyone who knows me, knows I am not like that at all. I am the most caring, laid back person. People walk all over me. I am nurturing and want others to be happy before myself. I am not passive, but I also care too much. This is a fault of mine. But since I have backed off from him, he thinks I don't care. It's just that I give what I get. I can't allow myself to be hurt again--I just can't. And he is doing that, whether he knows it or not.

He can be mean. The way he talks (erm, texts) me is just plain uncaring and rude. No, it isn't like this all the time, but whenever I dare state how I feel, he gets on guard and attacks. Can't we just have an adult conversation about our relationship? If it meant anything to him, he would arrange to see me where we could have an adult conversation. However, he may not want to because he really doesn't care. Right now, I feel like a nobody to him. That is how I honestly feel. I am so sad. I have to keep it together for my kids, but I just want to break down. I've had so much going on the past couple weeks. I don't even really have a boyfriend to talk to about anything in my life. If I dare, I am doing something wrong. I just can't win. So maybe I should just give up. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions, my faithful readers??