Song of the Day

Top Things That Mean It's Over . . .

1. When your relationship is based on text messages alone. Arguments should not be done via SMS. Sex should not be had in MMS.

2. You are perpetually sick or broke so you don't have to drive the 30 minutes it takes to get to your signficant other's house. This shows they aren't that significant.

3. You predict the above-mentioned text messages as if they are saved and programmed for morning, afternoon, and evening: "Good morning, babe. How did you sleep?", "Eating lunch now. Will text you later. Hope you are having a good day", and "Goodnight. Hope you had a good day. Sweet dreams."

4. :* and :) cannot substitute real emotions. Emoticons are not love. They are stupid symbols that half the time don't even look like what they are supposed to be. If you have to look at a book to decipher the "emotion" that he feels, you are done.

5. People assume you are married.

6. You feel like you are married.

7. The only sex you have is usually in a dive bar bathroom on the same day of the week, every week.

8. He is just not that into you and you know it.

9. You feel like you could be any girl and it wouldn't matter. YOU as an individual are a cookie cutter to fill his days--when he has the time.

10. His family wonder why you are still around.

11. You'd rather sleep next to your 8-year-old on an air mattress.

12. You have more interaction with Facebook.

13. Your ex boyfriend knows more about your life than he does.

14. You'd be less bored knitting sweaters for your mom's dogs than in your relationship.

15. Your routine is more predictable than "Two and a Half Men" episodes.

On a Kick . . .

I'm on a music kick right now. Like the old days. But when I am dissatisfied with my personal life, I seem to always turn to music and that whole lifestyle, which is also usually the demise of my relationships. I am terribly unhappy right now with my relationship. When I lack attention from the person I am with, I tend to reach towards music and that scene. I become obsessed with writing about it, going to shows, and researching. We all know, or at least those of you who truly know me, where that leads. As I've been called, I am a lionness. I usually always capture my prey. Not sure how I do that, but I kinda do.


Need I say more? I know how I operate. I really do. I know this insomnia is a sign of depression and a total lack of happiness. This stems from not being able to find a job and being stuck in my mom's house with my kids. However, it is also rooted in my current relationship. I have a guy who in general is great. BUT, he also lacks emotion and real interest. In the beginning, he was very attentive--though not quite as affectionate as I would have liked. We went on dates and tried to spend as much time as possible with each other. Now we rarely even text each other every day. I haven't seen him since Thursday and we haven't talked on the phone. What relationship is based on a couple of texts a day? I had more conversation with my ex-boyfriend when he was deployed in another fucking country. I still have more conversation with him!! I get my emotional fill from my ex who is just my friend. There is something so wrong with this.

I want to start going to shows again. He does not approve of that. And for that, I decided to not see a show that I really wanted to recently. That bothered me. I gave up something important to me, to be let down. But if he isn't giving me what I need, I do need to get some fun elsewhere. I don't know if I want to break up or not, but something needs to change. Otherwise, yes, I will go elsewhere. I deserve more than settling. If he doesn't realize this soon, with his evasion of my concern and wanting to talk about it, I will be gone.

Will I Never Be Happy?

My ex husband once told me, in a heated argument, that I would never be happy--nothing would ever make me content. I denied it, of course. However, I am starting to believe that perhaps this statement could be accurate. No matter who I am with, that person eventually disappoints me. I really never thought it was me, but maybe it is. Is it just that I get to know them and find out the real person or do I just expect too much. I don't think my standards are too high, honestly. And I have put up with a lot from men in my life. It isn't that no one is good enough; it's just that I think I can do better. Why settle? I started to think I was too shallow, so I started settling for guys who weren't my type. And it wasn't shallow. It was just wanting what I deserve in a companion.

My situation now is that I am with someone who lacks any emotion. At first I thought that perhaps he would open up and that he was like that because it was all new. But, I have found out, quite early, that this is just the way he is. And he says that he will never change. I love him. Then again he is so not my type. We have none of the same interests. We really have no conversation at all. Most of the days, we rarely talk except via text. The only days he really cares is the days HE has free and that is when we watch movies at his house or play darts. Things he wants. He is cheap. I don't even think he even really cares about me--I just fill space. So, now I am totally almost over him. I am just over it. Is he the best I can do? I don't think so. I still strive for that perfect guy who is stylish and artistic and creative and sexy and sweet. I don't think I have found him. What do I do?

Maybe I can't be happy. I think I will always be alone. Maybe that is how I am meant to be.